perfect

angel baby,

when you were still in mommy's tummy, i used to sing to you.  sometimes you totally ignored me, but other times you would wiggle and kick as if you were dancing or responding somehow.  it made me feel so close to you, to able to share something i love so much with the perfect little person inside me.  i have one single, incredibly vivid memory of singing to you that still brings me to tears.  

it was dark, and i was driving home from somewhere.  i was singing along with the radio, and you were just hanging out, shifting every once in a while like you were trying to get comfortable.  (it was close to time for you to come, so i know space was limited.)  a song came on the radio and i started singing and really thinking about the lyrics. 

pretty pretty please,

don't you ever ever feel,

like you're less than, less than perfect.

pretty pretty please,

if you ever ever feel,

like you're nothing, you are perfect to me.

you perked up during the first chorus and started kicking and moving like you were dancing :).  it felt like you were listening to me sing and even though i know you couldn't understand the lyrics, i was suddenly desperate for you to know what the song said.  i sang that song like i was on stage at carnegie hall, performing for the most important audience in the world--and i was.  i was singing for you.  all the while, tears were streaming down my cheeks.  i felt that song more strongly than any i could remember in a long, long time.  

baby girl, this world is a crazy place.  it's full of love and light and joy, but it's also filled with anger, darkness and despair.  people can be so good to each other, and people can be equally evil and ugly.  it can be hard to live in this world, and all i can do is hope that your father and i give you the tools to handle what you might face.  as much as i wish we could just protect you from all the negative things in the world, we just can't.  what we can do is make sure that you know that no matter what, you are precious--and perfect--to us.  

never let the world or anyone in it tell you that you can't do something.  never let the word 'no' keep you from dreaming.  never forget that you are wonderful and you deserve to be treated that way--not just by other people, but by yourself as well.  

change the voices in your head,

make them like you instead.

try to believe in yourself the way we believe in you.  you have so much potential in you, and i have a feeling you can and will do great things with your life. one of the keys to that, though, is loving yourself and being confident in yourself the way those who love you are.  your self-esteem and self-confidence are important, baby, and you can't let anyone take them from you.  if someone puts you down, don't take it to heart.  don't let that voice in your head turn against you.  i can tell you from personal experience that it isn't worth it.  there's only one you, and you're amazing...remember that!

don't you ever ever feel

like you're less than, less than perfect 

there is nothing you could ever do to make us stop loving you.  nothing.  you are our child, and we love you unconditionally.  even when you misbehave (and you will), when you're being bad (and you will), and when you say 'it's not fair!' and 'i hate you!' (and you will)...we will always love you.  we will always be your home and your safe place to land.  you will always be welcomed home with open arms and open hearts, and we will never, ever judge you.  we will always be there for you, and we will always do whatever we can to help you.  we will do everything we can to make sure you are happy, healthy and safe.  and you will always know how much you are loved and adored.   

you are perfect to me. 

and you are. 

all my love always, 

mommy :)